Recently I came across a very poignant article that has received a lot
of praise for its honesty and truth. The article is from Guillermo Peñato, a performance artist and
writer, to her younger daughter. The letter highlights why it is wrong to
become impatient with our older relatives. Despite being written by a woman, it
works between all family members, and I believe resonates on many levels in
society aside from family too. In a time
where the news is often filled with reports of the mistreatment of the elderly,
and their consequent suffering, it is important to remember that these people
cannot defend themselves. They can be as weak as children, and yet they do not
receive the same sympathies and assistance.
Guillermo Peñato highlights: “If when we talk, I repeat the same thing a thousand
times, don’t interrupt to say: “You said the same thing a minute ago”... Just
listen, please. Try to remember the times when you were little and I would read
the same story night after night until you would fall asleep. When I don’t want
to take a bath, don’t be mad and don’t embarrass me. Remember when I had to run
after you making excuses and trying to get you to take a shower when you were
just a girl?”[i]
There are several commendable charities and organisations
that focus on working with the elderly to ensure that they receive the best
care possible, and fight against the neglect of old people. Age UK, for instance, is working for the
defence of older people’s human rights, as well as offering driving insurance
to those over 50, raising awareness of dementia and using various other
campaigns to help stay safe and warm. Similarly, international smoothie brand
Innocent Smoothies, got on board with their knit worked in collaboration with
Age UK on their Big Knit
campaign, which donates 25p with each behatted bottle of smoothie brought to
contribute to keeping older people warm during winter.
Yet my concern still remains with the issues
highlighted in Guillermo Peñato’s letter: the patience their
own children have lost with them. Looking after elderly parents can be a very
stressful time, and neglect is commonly found in these family cases where there
is an element of ignorance of the right care needed. Aging Care is one organisation which works
to support those caring for elderly parents, and also offers guidance and help.
In order to be a carer or work in a nursing home requires high levels of
skill, knowledge and patience; but also a great understanding of the conditions
and complications that arise from growing older. This is often overlooked, and
many people believe they can deal with the responsibility on their own, and in
conjunction with their own lives, when actually it can turn into a full time
job.
Growing old carries many more complications than is often considered,
and it is not until you are old yourself that you realise! A decrease in muscle
tone and strength, as well as the stiffening of joints, means that mobility can
become growingly difficult. For this reason falls can be common, but a lot more
dangerous. Bones become more brittle with age and are therefore more likely to
break or be damaged. With a lower recovery rate than seen in children and young
adults, a simple fall can affect an older person for the rest of their life. Arthritis
is a common condition that can intensify this and is often found in elderly
people. As there is no straightforward resolution for this kind of limited
mobility, the only immediate treatment is patience and care, and lots of it.
Other more serious problems old age can incur are illnesses such as
cancer, angina, high blood pressure, dementia and diabetes. Plus, with a
weakened immune system, older people can develop serious illnesses just from
catching a cold. Pneumonia and dehydration are also common dangers caused by
thinner skin, a lower immune system and a lessened sense of taste or smell
which can result in a loss of appetite.[ii]
A condition such as dysphagia is very simple if treated well, but can
cause dangerous problems if misunderstood. Whether caused by a psychological
problem, or the result of a previous illness such as a stroke, dysphagia
symptoms such as having difficulty
swallowing, or avoiding medication all together, must be noticed. Crushing up
tablets is commonly used to overcome dysphagia, but this could be fatal.
Certain tablets, such as morphine for example, are designed to be slow
releasing. If crushed and released into the stomach immediately however, they can
result in a temporary, or fatal, overdose. With elderly people being much more
likely to take oral medicines frequently, dysphagia poses a great risk if
misunderstood, and the crushing up of pills, or advising to do so, can be
treated as negligence.[iii]
As you can see, the complications of growing old should not be
overlooked. They require patience, time and care rather than dismissal. If you
have an elderly relative that has begun to feel like a burden it is important
to remember that you, as a child, were probably worse, and yet they did not
abstain from helping you. Medical conditions need to be treated carefully, and
with sympathy, as they can be far more serious with the elderly than with you,
or your children. In most cases, they will require medical care that will be
beyond your capabilities, but it remains your responsibility that
they get it.
What is not mentioned in Guillermo
Peñato’s letter, however, is that one day her daughter will be old and
very likely to wish for the same, just as you and I will.
Sources:
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